How much?

We awoke tired. The crossing of the dateline had demanded its price and there was no evading it. A bit like the California Academy of Science. We had set off on the hop on/off bus, planning to get off in Golden Gate Park and visit the Academy. We were particularly drawn to the Planetarium Theatre which promised incredible projections of the solar system. So we were happy to brave the long trip to the other side of the city. We sat downstairs out of the cold. At the second stop this elderly American couple got on and sat right behind us. For the next hour we were party to their conversation, comments, whinges and opinions. It hurts me to say this but it was like A Christmas Carol and we had been given a detailed and painful exposure to our Holiday Future. Older, stating the bleeding obvious, fidgeting in seats, bemoaning all those driverless cars and bad parking and having an opinion about everything that could be opined upon. Both Mrs Verno and I had the same scary impression. Very scary.

Back to the California Academy of Science. We rocked up to the ticket office and before we knew had handed over a serious amount of money for admission. A bit gobsmacked at the price we stumbled in wondering what just happened. WE tried to rational the situation and scanned the ubiquitous QR code to reserve our places at the Planetarium shows. To our horror they were all booked out for the day. All of them. It was then that we took in our surroundings. It was clear that because it was still the Easter Holidays every little cherub in the Bay area had been brought to the Academy by their parents. Nightmare. And to add insult to injury, by the state of the toilets most of the little boy cherubs were struggling with using big boy toilets. As we say back home. The place was ringing. Anyway we decided to make the best of things and if the opportunity arose, steal something of value that could recompense us. I am being harsh, the place was great but very, very expensive.

The first thing was did ended up committing us to answering a questionnaire in 8 weeks time. I kid you not. There was a display of nature photographs and you had to pick the one that spoke to you. That was it. You answered some online questions and agreed to answer more in 8 weeks time. It seems the photo you picked said something wonderful about you. Mrs Verno likes to build things. I am empathetic and protective. Pretty accurate eh? You can see the images we picked below. Mine is an octopus protecting its young and Mrs Verno’s is a grub the pulls its own hairs out to build a cocoon. You could not make this up.

We did a few other things including their four storey rainforest complete with parrots and butterflies. The butterflies were enormous and quite freaked Mrs Verno out a bit. There were a lot of cabinets with rainforesty creatures to keep us enthralled.

After leaving one activity we happened to be at the back of the Planetarium where there was a screen showing upcoming shows and vacancies. Well, this was looking better. All the shows we wanted to see looked to have spaces so I QR coded again only to find that someone was lying. The screen of the website. A member of staff was close by and no matter how hard he tried to avoid me I finally explained the conundrum to him. He could not have cared less and declared that there must be no spaces. Off he turned to stare anywhere but near me. I was more determined than before to find something portable to lift.

A short time later Mrs Verno decided that we should look again and lo and behold there was space at the 3.30pm show on how we can all help regenerate nature. A short time after that we found space in the last show of the day at 4.30pm on the big telescopes they have in Chile. Our day was shaping up nicely again and after some refreshments we watched penguins being fed and learning how to tell if one is depressed. It seems it is difficult but now that I am officially empathetic according to the University of Southern California I reckon I could figure it out quickly enough armed only with a tin of anchovies and a caring look.

Well, the shows went well, lying somewhat prone staring up we learned many things, one of them was that at the first show Mrs Verno was the oldest person in the room. I made the mistake of noting this out loud. Mrs Verno had a very effective jab that seems to find the right spot on your arm. We left the Academy in good spirits having got as much out of the place as possible. Anyone looking for a fully grown stuffed gorilla knows how to get in touch so we can negotiate postage and payment.

The last place we visited was the roof which was a rather lovely garden. You tell me what it reminds you of.

I then ran for the first of two buses this day. The first a classic waving of the ticket as I approached. Mrs Verno was lagging behind a lot, struggling as she was with the gorilla. But we made it. The bus then started its long return journey back to Fisherman’s Wharf. After we crossed the Golden Gate Bridge and turned into the lookout point that had a bus stop the driver announced that we could off. A quite specific time of return was given 5.27pm. Six minutes hence. Well I charges out to take some photos of the bridge and the city across the Bay. I heard the bus engine start and charged back. I could swear I heard a familiar voice shout “Go, go, go.” But Mrs Verno had the look of complete innocence and expressed gratitude that I had made it back. A likely story.

We arrived back at base and almost immediately headed out for tea. We headed to a place that I had a 15% off voucher for and was in the mood for getting my money’s worth. A lovely meal of tuna carpaccio and then scallop and seafood risotto. When the bill arrived it had the obligatory tip suggestions at 18%, 20% and 22%. The discount however had not been applied and I enthusiastically drew the waiter’s attention to this surely accidental oversight. Off he went and returned with and amended bill. Interestingly, the suggested tips values remained unchanged and still represented percentages relevant to the first edition of the bill. Very sly. If you were paying cash you would have gone with these. But I foxed him. I paid by card and the machine automatically corrected things. One nil to me. Boom. Roll on the next petty victory.